This Thing Called The Love Bug

April 26, 2007 | Category: Love & Relationships

So it has been a pretty long weekend. Not exactly but close. It has been quite a hectic week for me and it’s not about to slow down I reckoned. I meet new people whom eventually become friends everyday. Literally. While it is nice to have friends from all over, sometimes I wonder if I need to draw the line somewhere, somehow.

I love meeting new people yet there are times when I can’t help myself but wonder if there’s more to this. Close friends used to tell me that can meet my destiny in the most unexpected places. Even right here in my hometown. I love my hometown, though plenty of times I believe that my destiny isn’t here. Even though I have met a lot of new friends, nothing has come by my way for something further than just a pat on the back from someone who says, ’she’s my drinking buddy.’ Often at the back of my mind, I’d ask myself ‘hmmm, he seems nice enough. Would he make a great boyfriend? Does he like me in ways of more than a friend?’ I hate the fact that I often think that way.

What does it take for me to really find someone who makes me tick? Even if I do end up with someone, most of the time it’s someone who’s not from around here. As if it’s not already hard enough not having him physically here, what more emotionally.

Over the years of being a single social butterfly, I view commitment as a dead end of a relationship. In short, I’ve become a commitment phobe. I like all that flirting every now and then, but when things starts getting heated up, I would end up freaking myself out. It’s a scary thought. I’m no longer young as I used to be and put it this way, the pressure’s on. The time bomb is ticking and I would no longer have enough time to defuse it.

I would constantly tell people have fun, being single is great and I don’t have to answer to nobody. Truth with a hint of cynicism and white lie; where deep down what I miss the most is having someone there physically and emotionally. Although my last post suggest otherwise, I am scared. Knowing for a fact that it might lead on to something further, will I remain true? I’m the age where settling is good but I still want to have my days of fun. I’m still at a point where ‘fresh meat’ is in my vocabulary. Now doesn’t that sound so wrong?

Where do I draw the line?

How do I keep myself from not doing the stupid things people do in a relationship, like cheating for example.

How the fuck did I end up from being a commitment phobe to wanting to be a in a relationship and being worried I’d cheat on someone all at once?

Am I over analyzing this love buzz?

I don’t quite need an answering right now, but I certainly need to find an answer sooner or later.

2 Comments

  1. Rambling Mind
    on May 3rd, 2007
    1

    In response to your questions:

    1) You will remain true if you’ve been hurt and you know how much it hurts.

    2) Both of you will do stupid things in a relationship. Then you’ll learn to forgive one another and have make-up sex. ;P

    3) Most your friends (the ones that count anyway) are getting settled. It’s only natural that you’d think about settling down. Plus you’re getting older…..

    4) Yes, you’re over-analysing it

    ‘Nuff said.

  2. Dee
    on May 4th, 2007
    2

    RM: No.3, yeah thanks for reminding me that I’m getting ‘older’. =/

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