Emptiness Beckons

July 27, 2006 | Category: Love & Relationships

After having such a fantastic weekend and week, my life is back to normal again. Albeit my upcoming trip, it just doesn’t feel quite the same. The feeling of heavy heart, clouded visions and the slight hangover from too much partying. I’m perfectly aware I hadn’t missed anything I shouldn’t have missed; because I was practically with him every-single-day. Sigh. I am so not going to all emotional about this….no I’m not. I promised myself.

I know myself so well that I know what’s going to come next. To top it off, he hasn’t exactly left yet. I have to show him I’m strong enough to handle the distance. There’s also too much complication on his part for me to try to comprehend this unexplainable aversion. It fucking hurts. It just fucking hurts.

After I dropped him and D off last night, we text and spoke to each again for two hours. By the time I drifted off to sleep, it was nearing dawn. His friends were really sweet to me too especially D & R, though one or two scared me quite a bit.

I did tell him that I didn’t want to be too emotionally involved and it didn’t but somehow or rather deep down I know I have. If time would have treated me a little better, I would have gone to wherever he was going. Even though with his ever complex situation, I rather be dead than not be near him. Sigh.

Yes, I shouldn’t be feeling this way and I don’t want to be feeling like this.

Should I give this a benefit of the doubt and hope for the best?

Should I just drop everything and go?

My heart is this much to do something that will hurt alot of people.

He isn’t by my side. I feel so empty. I just feel so empty.

One Comments

  1. benjamin and yus
    on July 28th, 2006
    1

    :idea:
    it’s not easy to be apart from your love one . ..
    i know coz my love and me are in the same situation ..

    but we’re independent . .. and can rely on each other…

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