Why Couples Marry?

November 29, 2005 | Category: Reflections & Musings

Disclaimer: This post is purely a general opinion about marriage. I am not married nor do I intend to get married in the near future. Despite my being cynical in a lot of matters, this is one very sensitive subject that ‘happily’ indulged myself into just to get a rough idea of ‘Why couples marry’. All comments are welcome, however any personal attacks on comments that are posted in here, will result in delete in comments.

The word marriage has been lingering around me off late. Not that I’m thinking of getting married no. It’s just that many people around me are getting married, which is honestly such a beautiful union of two people. My last entry about marriage sounded a little too cynical IMHO.(it also went a little off topic if I can say so myself) I really don’t want to sound too cynical yet I don’t want to sound too sentimental about it either.

Yesterday coincidentally, I came across minishort’s post on “Why marry” and the many different views about marriage. I personally left a comment saying, I think marriage is a death sentence. That may be a little bit hard to digest yes and no doubt it is purely my personal opinion. Yet yesterday evening at my cousin’s place (she happens to be married btw) we had this rather interesting conversation about the whole marriage hoo-haa, which slightly altered my views about it, not entirely but maybe just a little little bit.

This whole union of two people becoming one begins when one courts another (in more normal situation, when a man courts a woman). Man sweeps woman off her feet and eventually begin dating. In the first place, what would actually attracts a man to a woman (vice versa)? Is it something that compliment what the other person lacks? Or is it the qualities of that person wishes for in the other? Or is it just plain lust? It can be anything really. It all boils down to compatibility, no matter how different the two are. Then in the end what made them decide to spend the rest of their lives together, bound together for a lifetime, seeing each naked other day and night and not anyone else. (and you wonder why are there so many infidelities going around)

After compiling almost all the views left on minishorts comment box, I think you should get the rough idea what most people out had in mind about marriage

1. to make babies. and to satisfy the parents’ craving for grandkids.

2. ..when the typical Asian relates to “Not being married past mid-20s” as a problem.. (two person said this)

3. It’s a confession and recognition to your friends that you want to commit to spend the rest fo your life with your partner.

4. if you really love your companion then why not??

5. My personal view is that the time for marriage sometimes comes on its own, after a mutual ‘unspoken’ realisation by both parties that they want to spend their whole lives loving, ‘fighting’ and living with the other person. And whatever fears and anxieties there are is only natural for people who are serious with each other, and both have to make that plunge into the deep end – a leap of faith, if one may call it so (pardon the religious connonation, wholly unintended), to live both as ‘us and I’ for the years to come.

6. i think marriage is just a culturally saturated thing that may or may not include love. if you’ve got love and can keep it alive then you’re lucky la.

7. to make a decent man out of the guy you’ve been boinking.

8. Personally, marriage and the wedding day means very little to me. I’m been saving hard for it… but it is more for friends, relatives, family and business people.

9. marriage is … having your best friend with you all your life

10. Okay, I THINK it might be about OWNERSHIP. My ex always said to me, what is mine is hers and what is hers is hers and she thought I was her personal money making slave. So it was all about HER owning ME and EVERYTHING I OWNED. (this comes from someone who WAS married before)

11. For a piece of paper…

Summarizing all the comments, it came to a conclusion that alot of couples out there marry just to please. It is really obvious that we can’t turn away from family and society’s pressure when it comes to marriage. But many tend to forget that marriage is not for fun. It’s not about having to legalize your sex lives or to please your parents just because they want to see their grandchildren before they kick the bucket or just because its the season or trend. We all need to remember that this is a union of two very spiritual souls and in the eyes of God who were meant to be together, despite any differences they may encounter later.

To quote from the movie Shall We Dance, I think it’s one of the best definitions of marriage I’ve heard so far,

Beverly Clark (Susan Sarandon): “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.”

Marriage is hardwork, according to my newly married cousin. It is about tolerance and being considerate and always thinking for your other half (and children if you have any). She not be married long enough but from watching the way our parents go about their daily life does pretty much answer our question. Reasons for getting married during our parents’ era is completely different from our generation. If not how can they stay so loyal to each other, despite all the quarrels, difficulties and many other tragedies that has happened to them. Comparing to today’s married couple, a little problem will result in a legal dispute. Therefore, the idea of marriage as a this spiritual union becomes meaningless.

I do agree with one commentors opinion, that we DON’T know what lies ahead for both the couple in the future and it’s up to the two people to make it work with their best put in efforts.

In the end, it is how we put our all into the idea of getting married and say, we’re in love with one another and this is what we want to do. I just hope that anyone who intends to marry, do not marry for the wrong reasons or for anyone else just because they want to be happy and not yourselves.

Now are you ready to day these words to your other half?

I (name), take you (name) to be my (husband/wife), my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

7 Comments

  1. jeyadev
    on November 29th, 2005
    1

    hey dementedsoul :) you’ve got it right… as far as marriage goes.

    glad to see another person who doesn’t take marriage lightly :)

  2. Tying the knot at .:: Dustyhawk :: Broken Mirror ::.
    on November 29th, 2005
    2

    [...] Beverly Clark (Susan Sarandon): “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.” -Why Couples Marry? [...]

  3. Jonny
    on November 29th, 2005
    3

    I am married. I actually like it but here is my views.

    Marriage is an outdated concept, much like religion. The things that marriage accomplishes to me are no longer “needed”. Being married, TO ME, is only out of love for one another. Having a bastard child in the, not so distant, past was frowned upon. Now its just as common as having a child while being married. And one lst thing…getting a chick in the sack and being married is so much more fun. Just teasing.

  4. sic6sense
    on November 30th, 2005
    4

    most people marry for the wrong reasons and divorce for the right ones. the trick is to right the wrongs during the course of the marriage and wrong the rights of divorcing.

  5. Dee
    on November 30th, 2005
    5

    jeyadev: You’re right, marriage is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. You’re looking at the rest of your life here.

    Jonny: I agree that one should marry out of love.

    sic6sense: No doubt that plenty marry for the wrong reasons hence my point saying that couples should really ask themselves whether they both really do want to spend the rest of their lives together. Then again, the last resort of seperation will always be in divorce only when the marriage is completely hopeless. We really wouldn’t be able to predict what lies ahead in the marriage itself hence both people need to work it out whether or not there’s a problem.

  6. sic6sense
    on November 30th, 2005
    6

    Dee: what’s right today, needs work on tomorrow. How can anyone honestly know that they want to spend the rest of their lives with one?

  7. Dee
    on November 30th, 2005
    7

    sic6sense: I apologize for having to state such a statement for others, when it is really my personal view. When one knows, the obvious need not be said nor told. Again,

    We really wouldn’t be able to predict what lies ahead in the marriage itself hence both people need to work it out whether or not there’s a problem.

    exactly what you commented and I never said I didn’t agree with you. :)

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