What’s Love Got to do with Anything
May 21, 2005 | Category: Love & Relationships
Why does love have to be so difficult & complicated? Why do we need a reason to love anyone? Why can’t love be simple? Why does it even matter? Why can’t we be born with our soulmates already there waiting for us? Why must each and everyone of us endure the pain in searching for the one we will eventually love? My questions can go on and on.
To those who have met their soulmate, well good on you. As for me, I’m in a verge of giving up. Despite all the sex stories and sex misadventures, here lies a woman who’s dying for eternal love. Yes, here I am pouring out all my insecurities and why questions. Since God isn’t helping me much, I feel that there’s nothing else I can do anymore. I have said this many time but never on paper - I have given up on love. Yes, I have. No, don’t tell me otherwise because I have really have had enough. I’ve no strength to go on. I’ve given all my love to everyone anyone can give in a lifetime. I just cannot love anymore. Love means nothing to me now. Feeling of numbness has eaten up all the love that I’ve spilled.
You know, love to me was all the little things that we do for each other. All the butterflies in the world could fit into that little tummy of mine. My heart will skip the beat whenever I think of him. When I loved someone, it’ll always be forever. Never have I left anyone, they all leave me. Why? Did I love them too much? Maybe I did, like I said I give and give and never received. I always tell people that God has planned a soulmate for us. Personally, I don’t think he had anyone for me.
Sometimes I don’t understand why I want to even love anyone, especially when that someone doesn’t know I exist? Maybe I just wasn’t meant to be loved. Now I believe that God is punishing me. Punishing me for all the sins I’ve committed. I loved him…He told me to trust him. How long more can I trust him when He keeps letting me down over and over and over again. Does he even listen to me and I ask for his guidance? Its not like I’m not trying.
Friends and family tells me, its probably not your time. Then when the hell is it going to be my time? Seriously, I’m not even worried that I’ve not had sex in over 2 years. That to me is only temporary satisfaction. The feeling of love is not just something that will last for seconds…to me it will last a lifetime. Something that is nurtured into everyday of our lifes. Love that knows no reason. The flame of passion that burns and never dies, ….that is what love means to me. Now why can’t anyone see that?
Don’t you get me? Love me and I will give you all the love in the world. Love to me needs no work…it’s grown, like a beautiful bed of wild flowers in the field. A pictureques language that needs no words.
So yeah, I’m the hopeless romantic. No matter where the rainbow goes, I’ll be there to chase it.
I want true love that lasts a lifetime.
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Follow the journey of my everyday through my eyes with the occasional diarrhea of thoughts. Pins and needles of life. Joys & heartaches of finding my happy ever after and all the other yadas.
