That Loving Feeling

April 29, 2005 | Category: Love & Relationships

Have you ever wanted someone so much kills you? Especially when the person is not there in the flesh? To comfort you when you’re down? To hold you tight when you need to be held? Doesn’t just that ache you deep down? As simple as just being there, without having to say a word? The worst thing is not being able to voice it out, just because it’ll spoil everything that you had together? Risking everything?

Many a times, I didn’t want voice it because I didn’t want to risk losing everything. Suffering in silence is what I always opted for. I didn’t care if it ate me up inside, for as long as he was happy. If he found happiness, I’d be happy for him, although it’ll hurt me to death. Everything always came first before myself. I’ve always been the one giving. But at times I gave away just too much, too much until I ended up being hurt. Then I would begin telling myself for being so stupid and irrational.

How does it feel like being that person loving someone without having to have that love returning back? I’ve been living on rejection since I can remember. Only those very few moments where someone did love me before I did. So yeah, it feels very shitty.

This is why, I built a wall around me;so that I need not feel. The feeling of love, like, infatuation, whatever else one would call it. I would rather……not feel. Which in this case, why I turned to sex, I suppose. So rather I thought, if I can’t satisfy myself through the intimacy of holding someone you love, then why not having to be satisfied down there.

Yes, I am a romantic at heart, emotionally verbal and when I tell someone I love him, HE WILL BE THE ONLY ONE I WILL LOVE; however that feeling has long gone. Having to express my feelings to another now will not be as easy as before. It would take alot for me to do it, because the fear of everything.

Despues de pensar, Despues de ver, A mi dolor andar, Sobre el agua del mar, Tibia claridadque vi por mi calle pasarsin saber quhacersi sentir o pensarsi no que aun hoysigo aun, aun hoysigo atandome a ti
Aun hoy,Mi amor,te doy mi cuerpo con almase esconde,del solde noche se escapaaun hoyte doymi cuerpo con almaaun hoyaun hay
Quesconde la noch,eVa a guarda,rEntre nosotros doso sentir o pensa,rSe me llende luz la nochees porque yo vi nadar,delfines en tu vozy, sentir sin pensarsolo, Aun hoy sigo aun,Aun hoy sigo amndote a ti
Aun hoy, mi amor,Aun hay,Dos cuerpos con alma,Se esconden, del sol,De noche se escapan,De noche se dan,Dos cuerpos, dos almas,aun hoy,aun hay
Solo que, aun hay, sigo a,Aun hoy sigo amandote a ti,Amandote a ti,Aun hoy, mi amorAun haydos cuerpos con almase esconden del sol,De noche se escapan,De noche se dan,los cuerpos, las almas
Aun hoy aun hay,Aun hay…

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