Feeling Melancholy

April 23, 2005 | Category: Reflections & Musings

For the past couple of days, I’ve been having a lot of mixed emotions and feelings. It surprises me that I seem to be expressing more and more of my it along with my outmost desires which I never have ever before. It’s hard to contain such feelings and desires especially when you come from a family who’s constantly expecting you to be the perfect one. The one who’s done all the goody things in life. Maybe one would expect that I live in a denial state of mind. I wouldn’t admit it neither am I going to deny it. Only time would tell; till the day I have my real freedom. The freedom to explore all the things I’ve been dreaming of all my life.

I want to get out of this forever demeaning rut. This sick godforsaken life. Sometimes I wished I was never born in this lifetime. A lifetime full of sorrow, fear, grief, resentment, greed, selfishness and hatred. Everything that has gone wrong in this world today is the result of it. For this I’d pray:

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,that where there is hatred, I may bring love;that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;that where there is error, I may bring truth;that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;that where there is despair, I may bring hope;that where there are shadows, I may bring light;that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;to understand, than to be understood;to love, than to be loved.For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

For someone who’s constantly talking of passion and desire of sexual needs…I’m surprise I picked this prayer. I suppose I’m just feeling a little melancholy.

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